2014/15 Predictions

We’re only about 6 weeks into the 2014/15 football season but already the unpredictable nature of the beautiful game has thrown up many surprises; Southampton’s fine form despite their summer clear-out, Felix Magath’s cheesy injury remedies, Diego Costa being only 25 when he looks 52… The fact is, there’s always a few unexpected stories along the way, so here I present some of my own predicted stories that may catch the everyday football fan off-guard…

At Arsenal, Danny Welbeck spends most of his time on the bench as Yaya Sanogo goes on an unbelievable run and ends up scoring 30 goals for the season.

Meanwhile, their title rivals Manchester City have a turbulent end-of-season when the club organise a massive birthday party for Yaya Toure, but he refuses to attend as the confetti wasn’t made of £50 notes. He then claims the club don’t appreciate him.

Things are just as awkward for City’s neighbours Manchester United. After Van Gaal spent a fortune on his attack and entirely forgot his defence, the team struggle badly. So much so that United fans rent a plane to fly over Old Trafford with a banner that reads ‘We’re sorry Moyes. Please come back.’

Another manager who feels the heat is Newcastle United chief Alan Pardew. After the fans’ constant call for him to be sacked, owner Mike Ashley finally gives him the chop… Only to appoint Andre Villas-Boas as the new manager. St. James’ Park is then re-named the ‘Be Careful What You Wish For’ stadium!

The Aston Villa manager Paul Lambert mysteriously disappears halfway through the season. No one knows where he is. No one can get hold of him. It is reported that the last time he was seen was going into a meeting with Roy Keane. When Keano is asked what happened to Lambert, Keano gives the interviewer a long hard stare, strokes his beard and says “No comment!” No one is brave enough to report him to the police…

Elsewhere, Roy Hodgson wins an award for Most Charismatic Manager of the Year, FIFA strip Qatar of the 2022 World Cup… And give it to North Korea! And QPR and Chelsea reach the FA Cup final. Upon doing so they bring back the old tradition of doing a cup final song. John Terry and Rio Ferdinand collaborate and do a rendition of Ebony & Ivory.

If any of these things happen it will be the end of football as we know it!

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