Scottish foods, I can take. Scottish money, I can take… just about (But don’t expect me to use that sh*t when I get back to England)! But when I pick up a newspaper called The ‘Scottish’ Daily Mirror, turn to the back pages and see 6-8 pages of Scottish football (and I use the term Scottish football term loosely) and only ONE page of English football, you have to be taking the piss!!!
Are you seriously trying to tell me you can do a whole spread on Kilmarnock and then only muster one paragraph on Chelsea and Manchester United?
I don’t mind supporting your nation, but let’s keep it real… Scottish football is NOT that good! In fact here’s a list of things that I think would be less painful/stressful than watching a Scottish football match:
- Having a dinner party with Nick Griffin and Prince Phillip.
- Going to a Tinie Tempah concert.
- Standing at my front door in the cold at 6 in the morning with crust in my eyes and morning breath while I listen to a Jehovah’s Witness tell me the good news.
- Coming home from Edinburgh and discovering my entire family have disregarded for all the meat in the kitchen and converted to vegetarians.
- Drinking milk (if you’ve seen my Edinburgh show you’ll understand).
- Hanging out with my Uncle Nick after a QPR win.
- Watching Hollyoaks, The Only Way Is Essex and Geordie Shore all in succession.
- Chlamydia.
- Stubbing your big toe when you’ve just come out of the bathroom.
- Giving my Grandma backchat as a kid and waiting for her reaction.
I could go on, but I’ve got to go and find a shop somewhere around here that sells a newspaper with proper football in it.
Peace!